01、慢慢的才知道，太在乎别人了往往会伤害自己
02、慢慢的才知道，对自己好的人会随着时间的流逝越来越少
03、慢慢的才知道，一个人要自己对自己好，因为真正关心你的人很少，有了事他们也不一定会在你身边。所以要自己照顾自己
04、慢慢的才知道，真心对一个人好不一定有回报，而你忽略的人往往有可能是最重视你的
05、慢慢的才知道，很多东西是可遇而不可求的，很多东西只能拥有一次
06、慢慢的才知道，恋爱不一定是真心的，有可能是利益关系，有可能是攀比心理
07、慢慢的才知道，不要和别人争论什么，因为那是没有结果的，无论谁对谁错
08、慢慢的才知道，很多时候自己遇到不开心事，千万不要渴望别人同情，大多数人会采取冷漠回敬的。那样会更让人家看不起
09、慢慢的才知道，有很多东西是不属于你的，你使劲强求会遭天遣的
10、慢慢的才知道，未必做每件事情都有意义，可是做的每件事情都觉得是一件回忆
11、慢慢的才知道，人的性格可以差异到如此之大
12、慢慢的才知道，许多曾经的人会变的让你认不出，但请留住回忆
13、慢慢的才知道，从现在开始应该把握每一个你能把握的人，放弃你留不住的人，不要因为想留住个别人而失去一群人
14、慢慢的才知道，自己一定在乎自己的自尊，但你的自尊在别人眼里根本不算什么
15、慢慢的才知道，不要心情不好的时候对周围人发脾气，渴望他们谅解你，人家不是你的父母，现在你可以明白父母对自己多么重要
16、慢慢的才知道，即便有人对情感看的无所谓，你一定要坚信，人之间的感情，有可能会令所有东西都无法超越的，但记住，只是有可能
17、慢慢的才知道，原来现实如此的无奈
18、慢慢的才知道，会遇到许多自己看不惯的人或事，但那与你无关，别人爱咋整随他便，别生不该生的气，不值
20、慢慢的才知道，两个天天在一起的人不一定是朋友，有可能什么都不是
21、慢慢的才知道，会遇到很多诱惑，无论别人怎么样，你是你，你有你的原则和底限
22、慢慢的才知道，会有人很讨厌你或者和你过不去，但是他爱怎么样就怎么样，我们要大度，不和小人计较，但前提是你正确
23、慢慢的才知道，很多人无法理解男女之间的朋友关系，在一起就一定是恋人，不是恋人就一定不能在一起
24、慢慢的才知道，学习要刻苦，因为凭聪明就能应付考试科目的人是凤毛翎角
25、慢慢的才知道，原来时间一空闲下来是那么无聊，丝毫没有中学的充实的感觉
26、慢慢的才知道，手机是别人有事找你的时候用的，并不是为了交流感情的
27、慢慢的才知道，可以不把所有人当朋友，但千万不能把一个人当敌人，至少可以当同学
28、慢慢的才知道，玩你能玩的起的，玩不起的千万别玩，不然会输了什么都没有的
29、慢慢的才知道，快乐常常来自回忆，而痛苦常常来自于回忆与现实的差距
30、慢慢的才知道，那些嘻哈打闹只是消遣而已，而过往的抽烟打架更是无知
31、慢慢的才知道，有很多人的想法与做法你无法理解，或是根本不知道他在想什么，千万别在那揣摩或者瞎猜，那样会让自己累，既然人家要保持神秘感那就让人家保持去啊，自己又不是占卜师
32、慢慢的才知道，不要把自己想的有多高，没有绝对性的胜利，也没有绝对性的失败
33，慢慢的才知道，生活是有很多不公平的，你一定要正视，相信实力和群众的眼睛
34、慢慢的才知道，兄弟情义有时候未必是想像的那么美好，只有自己真心付出，才有可能得到别人的真心对待
35、慢慢的才知道，有的人不断的算计，到头还来是会输的很惨，所以应当保持一个平和的心
36、慢慢的才知道，有的事情不是自己所愿意的，但是有的事情必须得去完成，那也是对自己的一段特训
37，慢慢的才知道，原来两个人在一起或真或假，相处的时间还是占据着重要成份
38、慢慢的才知道，现实根想法的差距，必须要随机应变，跟上生活的步伐
39、慢慢的才知道，自己也在慢慢长大，不在是小孩子了，适应着每一件事的成长
40、慢慢的才知道，不要把自己想的有多高，没有绝对性的胜利，也没有绝对性的失败
41 慢慢的才知道，给人留一线日后好相见 的真正意义，没有永远的敌人只有永远的朋友，凡事不要做的太绝，事情的结局都是用嘴巴说出来的
42、慢慢的才知道，不管玩的多好的朋友都有可能失去，但是我们还是要乐观面对，若是真的把他(她)当作自己的朋友就应该为他(她)祝福、遥望!只是做自己所做的
43慢慢的才知道，自己在慢慢接受社会了，所以也要慢慢学会适应
My my my
Place your mouse cursor onto the photo to pause the slide.
Photo 1
My ‘iron horse’ …
Photo 2
My exercise companion ...
Photo 3
Lousy Singnet modem, up lorry after 3 months ...
Photo 4
Unique time machine ...
Photo 5
My radio control heli ...
Photo 6
My setup of notebook n LCD TV, 2 cables from notebook ...
Photo 7
Connect to the LCD TV ...
Photo 8
So the display shown on notebook as well as LCD TV will be the same, simultaneously ...
Photo 9
My latest addition ...
Photo 10
They are real plants ...
Photo 11
First time taking care of real plants ...
A Beautiful Story For Busy People
A woman came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find her 5-year old son waiting for her at the door.
SON: 'Mummy, may I ask you a question?'
MUM: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the woman.
SON: 'Mummy, how much do you make an hour?'
MUM: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the woman said angrily.
SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'
MUM: 'If you must know, I make $20 an hour.'
SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.
SON: "Mummy, may I please borrow $5?"
The mother was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.'
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door...
The woman sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the woman had calmed down, and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $5 and he really didn't ask for money very often.The woman went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.
Are you asleep, son?' She asked.
'No Mummy, I'm awake,' replied the boy.
I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the woman. 'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $5 you asked for.'
The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you Mummy!' he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.
The woman saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.
The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his mother.
'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the mother grumbled.
'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied.
'Mummy, I have $20 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.'
The mother was crushed. She put her arms around her little son, and she begged for his forgiveness.
It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $20 worth of your time with someone you love
SON: 'Mummy, may I ask you a question?'
MUM: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the woman.
SON: 'Mummy, how much do you make an hour?'
MUM: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the woman said angrily.
SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'
MUM: 'If you must know, I make $20 an hour.'
SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.
SON: "Mummy, may I please borrow $5?"
The mother was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.'
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door...
The woman sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the woman had calmed down, and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $5 and he really didn't ask for money very often.The woman went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.
Are you asleep, son?' She asked.
'No Mummy, I'm awake,' replied the boy.
I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the woman. 'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $5 you asked for.'
The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you Mummy!' he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.
The woman saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.
The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his mother.
'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the mother grumbled.
'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied.
'Mummy, I have $20 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.'
The mother was crushed. She put her arms around her little son, and she begged for his forgiveness.
It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $20 worth of your time with someone you love
东南西北
和美女睡，興奮到死。
和醜女睡，生不如死。
和辣妹睡，累得要死。
和情人睡，醉生夢死。
和名模睡，貴的要死。
和老婆睡，整夜裝死。
机会，就像老二，紧握就会变大
生活，就像强姦，不能反抗，就要学会享受
工作，就像轮姦，你不行了，别人就上
读书，就像嫖妓，出钱又出力
生活, 就像自慰，全部的事情都要靠著自己的双手
时间就像乳沟，挤一下就有了..
有钱时,口气很大 没钱时,火气很大
男人有钱就变坏，女人变坏就有钱
男人最痛心的是－为女人掏心掏肺 却不能掏老二
女人最痛心的是－为男人掏心掏肺 他只会掏老二
十个男人九个坏
还有一个想做怪
十个男人九个嫖
还有一个在治疗
树不要皮, 必死无疑.
人不要脸, 天下无敌.
一山不能藏二虎, 除非一公和一母
男人最驕傲的不是睡過多少女人，
而是能有一個女人願意讓他睡一輩子。
女人最驕傲的不是擁有多少男人，
而是她的男人願意為他拒绝多少女人
靠山山倒。靠人人跑。靠自己最好
如果爸爸是百万富翁就好。
和醜女睡，生不如死。
和辣妹睡，累得要死。
和情人睡，醉生夢死。
和名模睡，貴的要死。
和老婆睡，整夜裝死。
机会，就像老二，紧握就会变大
生活，就像强姦，不能反抗，就要学会享受
工作，就像轮姦，你不行了，别人就上
读书，就像嫖妓，出钱又出力
生活, 就像自慰，全部的事情都要靠著自己的双手
时间就像乳沟，挤一下就有了..
有钱时,口气很大 没钱时,火气很大
男人有钱就变坏，女人变坏就有钱
男人最痛心的是－为女人掏心掏肺 却不能掏老二
女人最痛心的是－为男人掏心掏肺 他只会掏老二
十个男人九个坏
还有一个想做怪
十个男人九个嫖
还有一个在治疗
男人不坏，女人不爱
做爱不变态，一点不精彩
做爱不变态，一点不精彩
幸福对我来说其实是一种传说...
树不要皮, 必死无疑.
人不要脸, 天下无敌.
一山不能藏二虎, 除非一公和一母
男人最驕傲的不是睡過多少女人，
而是能有一個女人願意讓他睡一輩子。
女人最驕傲的不是擁有多少男人，
而是她的男人願意為他拒绝多少女人
靠山山倒。靠人人跑。靠自己最好
如果爸爸是百万富翁就好。
Hard Truths
Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about eleven (11) things they did not and will not learn in school.
He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!
Rule 2 : The world doesn't care about your self-esteem.
The world will expect you to accomplish something
BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school.
Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school.
You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss
Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity.
Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss
Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity.
Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping:
They called it opportunity.
Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault,
Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault,
so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring
Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring
as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills,
cleaning your clothes and listening to you
talk about how cool you thought you were:
So before you save the rain forest
from the parasites of your parent's generation,
try delousing the closet in your own room..
Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers,
Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers,
but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades
and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer.
***This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters.
Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters.
You don't get summers off and very few employers
are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF.
***Do that on your own time.
Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life.
Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life.
In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds.
Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds.
Chances are you'll end up working for one..
Donkey.
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well, and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
Enough of that crap. Later The donkey came back and kicked the sh*t out of the farmer who tried to bury him.
Moral:
When you try to cover your ass, it always comes back to get you.
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
Enough of that crap. Later The donkey came back and kicked the sh*t out of the farmer who tried to bury him.
Moral:
When you try to cover your ass, it always comes back to get you.
That Asshole.
The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:
Brain....... .. I should be in charge because I run all body functions.
Blood....... . I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain.
Stomach... I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.
Legs........ . I should be in charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.
Eyes........ . I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's going.
Asshole..... I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.
All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad.
To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and Stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.
Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief
Day 2 - Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly
Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable
Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred
Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body
Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.
MORAL OF THE STORY: "NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN CHARGE".
Brain....... .. I should be in charge because I run all body functions.
Blood....... . I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain.
Stomach... I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.
Legs........ . I should be in charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.
Eyes........ . I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's going.
Asshole..... I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.
All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad.
To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and Stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.
Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief
Day 2 - Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly
Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable
Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred
Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body
Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.
MORAL OF THE STORY: "NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN CHARGE".
Exposure.
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up
her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself
in a Towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door
neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop
that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in Front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When
she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob
the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "
did he say anything about the $800 he owes me
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk
with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.
her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself
in a Towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door
neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop
that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in Front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When
she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob
the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "
did he say anything about the $800 he owes me
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk
with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.
Priest & Nun.
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
Controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed
his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The
nun Once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologised
"Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun
went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm
129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find
glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
Controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed
his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The
nun Once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologised
"Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun
went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm
129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find
glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity
Leisure Reading.
When Vietnam was still separated as North and South, the president of South Vietnam then was President Thieu (this is for real). As he was getting a lot of unfavourable treatment from his own country's news agencies, he invited Tara Singh, a journalist from M'sia, to brief him about the setup of Bernama.
After Tara Singh had briefed the president about Bernama, the president was impressed. He declared that it was time for him to set up his own Bernama, to counter all the criticism he has been receiving lately. Tara Singh politely said, "But Mr President, the name 'Bernama' is already used by M'sia... maybe if you chose another name."
"Of course, you're right! I shall name it after myself then. It will be known as Thieunama !! ", said the president. Tara Singh nearly choked on that! " Ahh, Mr President, that may not be the best name. To the Cantonese speaking people, that name is a four-letter word concerning mothers," said Tara.
"Thank you for being so honest with me. You deserve recognition for that. Why don't we give the news agency a name formed from our names. How about ............... ThieunaSingh ?"
Happy working!
After Tara Singh had briefed the president about Bernama, the president was impressed. He declared that it was time for him to set up his own Bernama, to counter all the criticism he has been receiving lately. Tara Singh politely said, "But Mr President, the name 'Bernama' is already used by M'sia... maybe if you chose another name."
"Of course, you're right! I shall name it after myself then. It will be known as Thieunama !! ", said the president. Tara Singh nearly choked on that! " Ahh, Mr President, that may not be the best name. To the Cantonese speaking people, that name is a four-letter word concerning mothers," said Tara.
"Thank you for being so honest with me. You deserve recognition for that. Why don't we give the news agency a name formed from our names. How about ............... ThieunaSingh ?"
Happy working!
Guarantee.
An ang moh(Foreigner) touring Hong Kong had been told
by his friends back home that one could get really
good bargains on cloths but that one would
have to be careful.
This gentleman went bargain-hunting and chanced upon a
well-established shop.
When he found a branded shirt that cost half the price
of what was being sold back home, he rubbed his hands
in glee.
Having been warned of cheap shirts, he began to
scrutinise the shirt carefully and smiled when he saw
a label that was sewn on the shirt.
It read " Guarantee No Shrink ".
Convinced that he had indeed found a great bargain, he
went ahead and bought half a dozen shirts.
Back at the hotel, he took out the shirts and sent
them to the laundry.
He was eager to put them on and see some envious faces
in his tour group.
When the shirts returned from the hotel laundry, he
was shock that all of them had shrunk by at least
three sizes !
He looked at the label again to assure himself that he
had not read it wrongly.
Yes, it clearly read : " GUARANTEE NO SHRINK ".
He immediately took the shirts back to the shop and
asked to see the manager. The manager came out,
listened to his complaint and then calmly
pointed to the label and said :
" You Westerners read from left to right. We Chinese
read from right to left. "
by his friends back home that one could get really
good bargains on cloths but that one would
have to be careful.
This gentleman went bargain-hunting and chanced upon a
well-established shop.
When he found a branded shirt that cost half the price
of what was being sold back home, he rubbed his hands
in glee.
Having been warned of cheap shirts, he began to
scrutinise the shirt carefully and smiled when he saw
a label that was sewn on the shirt.
It read " Guarantee No Shrink ".
Convinced that he had indeed found a great bargain, he
went ahead and bought half a dozen shirts.
Back at the hotel, he took out the shirts and sent
them to the laundry.
He was eager to put them on and see some envious faces
in his tour group.
When the shirts returned from the hotel laundry, he
was shock that all of them had shrunk by at least
three sizes !
He looked at the label again to assure himself that he
had not read it wrongly.
Yes, it clearly read : " GUARANTEE NO SHRINK ".
He immediately took the shirts back to the shop and
asked to see the manager. The manager came out,
listened to his complaint and then calmly
pointed to the label and said :
" You Westerners read from left to right. We Chinese
read from right to left. "
Management Lessons.
Lesson One
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A
small rabbit saw
the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do
nothing?" The eagle
answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the
ground below the eagle
and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on
the rabbit and ate
it.
Management Lesson:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up.
Lesson Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be
able to get to the
top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got
the energy." "Well,
why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied
the bull. "They're
packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of
dung, and found it
actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest
branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached
the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly
perched at the top of
the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot
him out of the tree.
Management Lesson:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you
there.
Lesson Three
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so
cold; the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While
he was lying there, a
cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen
bird lay there in
the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he
was.
The dung was
actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and
happy, and soon began to
sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and
came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under
the pile of cow dung,
and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Management Lesson
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A
small rabbit saw
the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do
nothing?" The eagle
answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the
ground below the eagle
and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on
the rabbit and ate
it.
Management Lesson:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up.
Lesson Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be
able to get to the
top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got
the energy." "Well,
why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied
the bull. "They're
packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of
dung, and found it
actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest
branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached
the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly
perched at the top of
the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot
him out of the tree.
Management Lesson:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you
there.
Lesson Three
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so
cold; the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While
he was lying there, a
cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen
bird lay there in
the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he
was.
The dung was
actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and
happy, and soon began to
sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and
came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under
the pile of cow dung,
and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Management Lesson
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
A Guy's Tale In New Jersey.
A guy is hanging out in his favorite bar in New Jersey when he spots a fabulous babe walking in on the arm of some ugly schlep. He asks the bartender about her and is surprised to discover that she's a prostitute. He watches her the rest of the night, amazed that someone so attractive could be available to him.
The next night, he goes back to the bar, and sure enough she shows up again, only this time alone. The guy gets up his nerve and approaches her.
"Is it true you're a prostitute?"
"Why, sure, big boy. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I don't know. What do you charge?"
"I get $100 just for a hand job. We can negotiate from there."
"$100!?! For a hand job? Are you nuts?"
"You see that Ferrari out there?"
The guy looks out the front door, and sure enough there's a shiny new Ferrari parked outside.
"I paid cash for that Ferrari with the money I made on hand jobs. Trust me, it's worth it."
The guy mulls it over for a while, and decides what the hell... He leaves with her, and gets the most unbelievable experience he's ever had. This hand job was better than any complete sexual experience in his miserable life.
The next night he's back at the bar, waiting eagerly for her to show up. When she does, he immediately approaches her.
"Last night was incredible!"
"Of course it was. Just wait till you try one of my blow jobs."
"How much is that?"
"$500"
"$500!?! C'mon, that's ridiculous!"
"You see that apartment building across the street?"
The guy looks out front at a 12 storey building.
"I paid cash for that building with the money I made on blow jobs. Trust me, it's worth it."
Based on the night before, the guy decides to go for it. He leave s with her, and once again is not disappointed. He nearly faints - twice. The next night he can hardly contain himself until she shows up.
"I'm hooked, you're the best! Tell me; what'll it cost me for some pussy?"
She motions for him to follow her outside. She points down the street; between the buildings he can see Manhattan.
"You see that island?"
"Aw, c'mon! You can't mean that!"
She nods her head. "You bet. If I had a pussy, I'd own Manhattan!
The next night, he goes back to the bar, and sure enough she shows up again, only this time alone. The guy gets up his nerve and approaches her.
"Is it true you're a prostitute?"
"Why, sure, big boy. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I don't know. What do you charge?"
"I get $100 just for a hand job. We can negotiate from there."
"$100!?! For a hand job? Are you nuts?"
"You see that Ferrari out there?"
The guy looks out the front door, and sure enough there's a shiny new Ferrari parked outside.
"I paid cash for that Ferrari with the money I made on hand jobs. Trust me, it's worth it."
The guy mulls it over for a while, and decides what the hell... He leaves with her, and gets the most unbelievable experience he's ever had. This hand job was better than any complete sexual experience in his miserable life.
The next night he's back at the bar, waiting eagerly for her to show up. When she does, he immediately approaches her.
"Last night was incredible!"
"Of course it was. Just wait till you try one of my blow jobs."
"How much is that?"
"$500"
"$500!?! C'mon, that's ridiculous!"
"You see that apartment building across the street?"
The guy looks out front at a 12 storey building.
"I paid cash for that building with the money I made on blow jobs. Trust me, it's worth it."
Based on the night before, the guy decides to go for it. He leave s with her, and once again is not disappointed. He nearly faints - twice. The next night he can hardly contain himself until she shows up.
"I'm hooked, you're the best! Tell me; what'll it cost me for some pussy?"
She motions for him to follow her outside. She points down the street; between the buildings he can see Manhattan.
"You see that island?"
"Aw, c'mon! You can't mean that!"
She nods her head. "You bet. If I had a pussy, I'd own Manhattan!
Old Couples Need Sex Too.
OLD COUPLES NEED SEX TOO
An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?
We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you."
"Yes," she says, "I remember it well."
"OK," he says, "how about taking a stroll round there again and we can do
it for old time's sake?"
"Oooooooh, Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea," she answers.
There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble."
So he follows them. They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks.
Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and
the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence the old man moves in. Suddenly, they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen.
They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds.
This goes on for about forty minutes! She's yelling, "Ohhh, God!" He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable.
Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.
The policeman 's amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The policeman, still watching thinks, that was truly amazing, he was going like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is. As the couple passes, he says to them, "That was something else! You must have been having sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?"
The old man says, . . . . . . . . . . .
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence!!!"
An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?
We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you."
"Yes," she says, "I remember it well."
"OK," he says, "how about taking a stroll round there again and we can do
it for old time's sake?"
"Oooooooh, Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea," she answers.
There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble."
So he follows them. They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks.
Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and
the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence the old man moves in. Suddenly, they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen.
They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds.
This goes on for about forty minutes! She's yelling, "Ohhh, God!" He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable.
Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.
The policeman 's amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The policeman, still watching thinks, that was truly amazing, he was going like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is. As the couple passes, he says to them, "That was something else! You must have been having sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?"
The old man says, . . . . . . . . . . .
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence!!!"
Malaysian Astronauts.
American Spaceman is called Astronaut
Russian Spaceman is called Cosmonaut
Chinese Spaceman is called Taikonaut
Malaysian Spaceman? - Can-or-naut!
Dr. M was thinking about sending somebody into space. Three potential
can-a-nauts were called for an interview - one Indian, one Malay and one
Chinese.
Dr. M interviews the Indian first: "So, Muthu, this is a dangerous
mission. How much do you think you should be paid?"
Muthu replied: "One million ringgit."
"Why so much?" asks Dr. M.
"Very dangerous mission, Datuk. Maybe no come back!" replied Muthu.
"That's understandable," says Dr. M. "Thank you...please ask the Malay
guy to come here,"
So the Malay walks up, and is asked the same question.
"Alamak!...2 million, Datuk," replied the Malay candidate.
"Two million? That's twice as much! Even the aneh before you
asked for only one million."
"You see, Datuk," explains Mat. "I have 4 wives and 15
children ... With 20 of us, it is a big family to support when I am
gone...!"
"I see," says Dr. M. "Okay, can you ask that Chinese guy to come then?"
The Chinese guy comes in and Dr. M asks, "Ah Chong, given this is a very
risky mission, how much do you want?"
Ah Chong thinks for a while, and says, "3 million."
Mahathir appears shocked. "What?!? 3 million! Why so much?"
Ah Chong beckons Dr. M to come closer. He quietly whispers into his ear,
"Datuk, one million you keep, one million I keep, and then one more
million to send that aneh into space lah!"
Russian Spaceman is called Cosmonaut
Chinese Spaceman is called Taikonaut
Malaysian Spaceman? - Can-or-naut!
Dr. M was thinking about sending somebody into space. Three potential
can-a-nauts were called for an interview - one Indian, one Malay and one
Chinese.
Dr. M interviews the Indian first: "So, Muthu, this is a dangerous
mission. How much do you think you should be paid?"
Muthu replied: "One million ringgit."
"Why so much?" asks Dr. M.
"Very dangerous mission, Datuk. Maybe no come back!" replied Muthu.
"That's understandable," says Dr. M. "Thank you...please ask the Malay
guy to come here,"
So the Malay walks up, and is asked the same question.
"Alamak!...2 million, Datuk," replied the Malay candidate.
"Two million? That's twice as much! Even the aneh before you
asked for only one million."
"You see, Datuk," explains Mat. "I have 4 wives and 15
children ... With 20 of us, it is a big family to support when I am
gone...!"
"I see," says Dr. M. "Okay, can you ask that Chinese guy to come then?"
The Chinese guy comes in and Dr. M asks, "Ah Chong, given this is a very
risky mission, how much do you want?"
Ah Chong thinks for a while, and says, "3 million."
Mahathir appears shocked. "What?!? 3 million! Why so much?"
Ah Chong beckons Dr. M to come closer. He quietly whispers into his ear,
"Datuk, one million you keep, one million I keep, and then one more
million to send that aneh into space lah!"
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