A woman came home from work late, tired and irritated, to find her 5-year old son waiting for her at the door.
SON: 'Mummy, may I ask you a question?'
MUM: 'Yeah sure, what it is?' replied the woman.
SON: 'Mummy, how much do you make an hour?'
MUM: 'That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?' the woman said angrily.
SON: 'I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?'
MUM: 'If you must know, I make $20 an hour.'
SON: 'Oh,' the little boy replied, with his head down.
SON: "Mummy, may I please borrow $5?"
The mother was furious, 'If the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed. Think about why you are being so selfish. I don't work hard everyday for such childish frivolities.'
The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door...
The woman sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money?
After about an hour or so, the woman had calmed down, and started to think:
Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that $5 and he really didn't ask for money very often.The woman went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.
Are you asleep, son?' She asked.
'No Mummy, I'm awake,' replied the boy.
I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier' said the woman. 'It's been a long day and I took out my aggravation on you. Here's the $5 you asked for.'
The little boy sat straight up, smiling. 'Oh, thank you Mummy!' he yelled. Then, reaching under his pillow he pulled out some crumpled up bills.
The woman saw that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.
The little boy slowly counted out his money, and then looked up at his mother.
'Why do you want more money if you already have some?' the mother grumbled.
'Because I didn't have enough, but now I do,' the little boy replied.
'Mummy, I have $20 now. Can I buy an hour of your time? Please come home early tomorrow. I would like to have dinner with you.'
The mother was crushed. She put her arms around her little son, and she begged for his forgiveness.
It's just a short reminder to all of you working so hard in life. We should not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some time with those who really matter to us, those close to our hearts. Do remember to share that $20 worth of your time with someone you love
东南西北
和美女睡，興奮到死。
和醜女睡，生不如死。
和辣妹睡，累得要死。
和情人睡，醉生夢死。
和名模睡，貴的要死。
和老婆睡，整夜裝死。
机会，就像老二，紧握就会变大
生活，就像强姦，不能反抗，就要学会享受
工作，就像轮姦，你不行了，别人就上
读书，就像嫖妓，出钱又出力
生活, 就像自慰，全部的事情都要靠著自己的双手
时间就像乳沟，挤一下就有了..
有钱时,口气很大 没钱时,火气很大
男人有钱就变坏，女人变坏就有钱
男人最痛心的是－为女人掏心掏肺 却不能掏老二
女人最痛心的是－为男人掏心掏肺 他只会掏老二
十个男人九个坏
还有一个想做怪
十个男人九个嫖
还有一个在治疗
树不要皮, 必死无疑.
人不要脸, 天下无敌.
一山不能藏二虎, 除非一公和一母
男人最驕傲的不是睡過多少女人，
而是能有一個女人願意讓他睡一輩子。
女人最驕傲的不是擁有多少男人，
而是她的男人願意為他拒绝多少女人
靠山山倒。靠人人跑。靠自己最好
如果爸爸是百万富翁就好。
和醜女睡，生不如死。
和辣妹睡，累得要死。
和情人睡，醉生夢死。
和名模睡，貴的要死。
和老婆睡，整夜裝死。
机会，就像老二，紧握就会变大
生活，就像强姦，不能反抗，就要学会享受
工作，就像轮姦，你不行了，别人就上
读书，就像嫖妓，出钱又出力
生活, 就像自慰，全部的事情都要靠著自己的双手
时间就像乳沟，挤一下就有了..
有钱时,口气很大 没钱时,火气很大
男人有钱就变坏，女人变坏就有钱
男人最痛心的是－为女人掏心掏肺 却不能掏老二
女人最痛心的是－为男人掏心掏肺 他只会掏老二
十个男人九个坏
还有一个想做怪
十个男人九个嫖
还有一个在治疗
男人不坏，女人不爱
做爱不变态，一点不精彩
做爱不变态，一点不精彩
幸福对我来说其实是一种传说...
树不要皮, 必死无疑.
人不要脸, 天下无敌.
一山不能藏二虎, 除非一公和一母
男人最驕傲的不是睡過多少女人，
而是能有一個女人願意讓他睡一輩子。
女人最驕傲的不是擁有多少男人，
而是她的男人願意為他拒绝多少女人
靠山山倒。靠人人跑。靠自己最好
如果爸爸是百万富翁就好。
Hard Truths
Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about eleven (11) things they did not and will not learn in school.
He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
Rule 1 : Life is not fair - get used to it!
Rule 2 : The world doesn't care about your self-esteem.
The world will expect you to accomplish something
BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school.
Rule 3 : You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school.
You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss
Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity.
Rule 4 : If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss
Rule 5 : Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity.
Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping:
They called it opportunity.
Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault,
Rule 6 : If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault,
so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring
Rule 7 : Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring
as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills,
cleaning your clothes and listening to you
talk about how cool you thought you were:
So before you save the rain forest
from the parasites of your parent's generation,
try delousing the closet in your own room..
Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers,
Rule 8 : Your school may have done away with winners and losers,
but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades
and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer.
***This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters.
Rule 9 : Life is not divided into semesters.
You don't get summers off and very few employers
are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF.
***Do that on your own time.
Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life.
Rule 10 : Television is NOT real life.
In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds.
Rule 11 : Be nice to nerds.
Chances are you'll end up working for one..
Donkey.
One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey. He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well, and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off!
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
Enough of that crap. Later The donkey came back and kicked the sh*t out of the farmer who tried to bury him.
Moral:
When you try to cover your ass, it always comes back to get you.
Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up!
Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred.
2. Free your mind from worries.
3. Live simply.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.
Enough of that crap. Later The donkey came back and kicked the sh*t out of the farmer who tried to bury him.
Moral:
When you try to cover your ass, it always comes back to get you.
That Asshole.
The organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was in charge. Each organ took a turn to speak up:
Brain....... .. I should be in charge because I run all body functions.
Blood....... . I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain.
Stomach... I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.
Legs........ . I should be in charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.
Eyes........ . I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's going.
Asshole..... I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.
All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad.
To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and Stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.
Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief
Day 2 - Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly
Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable
Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred
Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body
Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.
MORAL OF THE STORY: "NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN CHARGE".
Brain....... .. I should be in charge because I run all body functions.
Blood....... . I should be in charge because I circulate oxygen for the brain.
Stomach... I should be in charge because I process food to the brain.
Legs........ . I should be in charge because I take the brain where it wants to go.
Eyes........ . I should be in charge because I let the brain see where it's going.
Asshole..... I should be in charge because I get rid of your waste.
All the other parts laughed so hard and this made the asshole very mad.
To prove his point, the asshole immediately slammed tightly closed and Stayed that way for 6 days, refusing to rid the body of any waste whatsoever.
Day 1 - Brain got a terrible headache and cried out for relief
Day 2 - Stomach got bloated and began to ache terribly
Day 3 - Legs got cramps and became unstable
Day 4 - Eyes became watery and vision became blurred
Day 5 - Blood became toxic and poisoned the body
Day 6 -The other organs agreed to let the asshole be in charge.
MORAL OF THE STORY: "NO MATTER WHO YOU ARE, OR HOW IMPORTANT YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOU WILL FIND THAT IT IS ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE THAT IS IN CHARGE".
Exposure.
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up
her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself
in a Towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door
neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop
that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in Front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When
she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob
the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "
did he say anything about the $800 he owes me
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk
with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.
her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself
in a Towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door
neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop
that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands
naked in Front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When
she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob
the next door neighbour," she replies. "Great!" the husband says, "
did he say anything about the $800 he owes me
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk
with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure.
Priest & Nun.
A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs,
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
Controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed
his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The
nun Once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologised
"Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun
went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm
129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find
glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity
forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
Controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed
his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The
nun Once again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologised
"Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving at the convent, the nun
went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm
129. It said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find
glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity
Leisure Reading.
When Vietnam was still separated as North and South, the president of South Vietnam then was President Thieu (this is for real). As he was getting a lot of unfavourable treatment from his own country's news agencies, he invited Tara Singh, a journalist from M'sia, to brief him about the setup of Bernama.
After Tara Singh had briefed the president about Bernama, the president was impressed. He declared that it was time for him to set up his own Bernama, to counter all the criticism he has been receiving lately. Tara Singh politely said, "But Mr President, the name 'Bernama' is already used by M'sia... maybe if you chose another name."
"Of course, you're right! I shall name it after myself then. It will be known as Thieunama !! ", said the president. Tara Singh nearly choked on that! " Ahh, Mr President, that may not be the best name. To the Cantonese speaking people, that name is a four-letter word concerning mothers," said Tara.
"Thank you for being so honest with me. You deserve recognition for that. Why don't we give the news agency a name formed from our names. How about ............... ThieunaSingh ?"
Happy working!
After Tara Singh had briefed the president about Bernama, the president was impressed. He declared that it was time for him to set up his own Bernama, to counter all the criticism he has been receiving lately. Tara Singh politely said, "But Mr President, the name 'Bernama' is already used by M'sia... maybe if you chose another name."
"Of course, you're right! I shall name it after myself then. It will be known as Thieunama !! ", said the president. Tara Singh nearly choked on that! " Ahh, Mr President, that may not be the best name. To the Cantonese speaking people, that name is a four-letter word concerning mothers," said Tara.
"Thank you for being so honest with me. You deserve recognition for that. Why don't we give the news agency a name formed from our names. How about ............... ThieunaSingh ?"
Happy working!
Guarantee.
An ang moh(Foreigner) touring Hong Kong had been told
by his friends back home that one could get really
good bargains on cloths but that one would
have to be careful.
This gentleman went bargain-hunting and chanced upon a
well-established shop.
When he found a branded shirt that cost half the price
of what was being sold back home, he rubbed his hands
in glee.
Having been warned of cheap shirts, he began to
scrutinise the shirt carefully and smiled when he saw
a label that was sewn on the shirt.
It read " Guarantee No Shrink ".
Convinced that he had indeed found a great bargain, he
went ahead and bought half a dozen shirts.
Back at the hotel, he took out the shirts and sent
them to the laundry.
He was eager to put them on and see some envious faces
in his tour group.
When the shirts returned from the hotel laundry, he
was shock that all of them had shrunk by at least
three sizes !
He looked at the label again to assure himself that he
had not read it wrongly.
Yes, it clearly read : " GUARANTEE NO SHRINK ".
He immediately took the shirts back to the shop and
asked to see the manager. The manager came out,
listened to his complaint and then calmly
pointed to the label and said :
" You Westerners read from left to right. We Chinese
read from right to left. "
by his friends back home that one could get really
good bargains on cloths but that one would
have to be careful.
This gentleman went bargain-hunting and chanced upon a
well-established shop.
When he found a branded shirt that cost half the price
of what was being sold back home, he rubbed his hands
in glee.
Having been warned of cheap shirts, he began to
scrutinise the shirt carefully and smiled when he saw
a label that was sewn on the shirt.
It read " Guarantee No Shrink ".
Convinced that he had indeed found a great bargain, he
went ahead and bought half a dozen shirts.
Back at the hotel, he took out the shirts and sent
them to the laundry.
He was eager to put them on and see some envious faces
in his tour group.
When the shirts returned from the hotel laundry, he
was shock that all of them had shrunk by at least
three sizes !
He looked at the label again to assure himself that he
had not read it wrongly.
Yes, it clearly read : " GUARANTEE NO SHRINK ".
He immediately took the shirts back to the shop and
asked to see the manager. The manager came out,
listened to his complaint and then calmly
pointed to the label and said :
" You Westerners read from left to right. We Chinese
read from right to left. "
Management Lessons.
Lesson One
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A
small rabbit saw
the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do
nothing?" The eagle
answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the
ground below the eagle
and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on
the rabbit and ate
it.
Management Lesson:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up.
Lesson Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be
able to get to the
top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got
the energy." "Well,
why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied
the bull. "They're
packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of
dung, and found it
actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest
branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached
the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly
perched at the top of
the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot
him out of the tree.
Management Lesson:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you
there.
Lesson Three
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so
cold; the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While
he was lying there, a
cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen
bird lay there in
the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he
was.
The dung was
actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and
happy, and soon began to
sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and
came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under
the pile of cow dung,
and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Management Lesson
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A
small rabbit saw
the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do
nothing?" The eagle
answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the
ground below the eagle
and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on
the rabbit and ate
it.
Management Lesson:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up.
Lesson Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be
able to get to the
top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got
the energy." "Well,
why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied
the bull. "They're
packed with nutrients." The turkey pecked at a lump of
dung, and found it
actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest
branch of the tree.
The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached
the second branch.
Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly
perched at the top of
the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot
him out of the tree.
Management Lesson:
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you
there.
Lesson Three
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so
cold; the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While
he was lying there, a
cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen
bird lay there in
the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he
was.
The dung was
actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and
happy, and soon began to
sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and
came to investigate.
Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under
the pile of cow dung,
and promptly dug him out and ate him.
Management Lesson
(1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
A Guy's Tale In New Jersey.
A guy is hanging out in his favorite bar in New Jersey when he spots a fabulous babe walking in on the arm of some ugly schlep. He asks the bartender about her and is surprised to discover that she's a prostitute. He watches her the rest of the night, amazed that someone so attractive could be available to him.
The next night, he goes back to the bar, and sure enough she shows up again, only this time alone. The guy gets up his nerve and approaches her.
"Is it true you're a prostitute?"
"Why, sure, big boy. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I don't know. What do you charge?"
"I get $100 just for a hand job. We can negotiate from there."
"$100!?! For a hand job? Are you nuts?"
"You see that Ferrari out there?"
The guy looks out the front door, and sure enough there's a shiny new Ferrari parked outside.
"I paid cash for that Ferrari with the money I made on hand jobs. Trust me, it's worth it."
The guy mulls it over for a while, and decides what the hell... He leaves with her, and gets the most unbelievable experience he's ever had. This hand job was better than any complete sexual experience in his miserable life.
The next night he's back at the bar, waiting eagerly for her to show up. When she does, he immediately approaches her.
"Last night was incredible!"
"Of course it was. Just wait till you try one of my blow jobs."
"How much is that?"
"$500"
"$500!?! C'mon, that's ridiculous!"
"You see that apartment building across the street?"
The guy looks out front at a 12 storey building.
"I paid cash for that building with the money I made on blow jobs. Trust me, it's worth it."
Based on the night before, the guy decides to go for it. He leave s with her, and once again is not disappointed. He nearly faints - twice. The next night he can hardly contain himself until she shows up.
"I'm hooked, you're the best! Tell me; what'll it cost me for some pussy?"
She motions for him to follow her outside. She points down the street; between the buildings he can see Manhattan.
"You see that island?"
"Aw, c'mon! You can't mean that!"
She nods her head. "You bet. If I had a pussy, I'd own Manhattan!
The next night, he goes back to the bar, and sure enough she shows up again, only this time alone. The guy gets up his nerve and approaches her.
"Is it true you're a prostitute?"
"Why, sure, big boy. What can I do for you?"
"Well, I don't know. What do you charge?"
"I get $100 just for a hand job. We can negotiate from there."
"$100!?! For a hand job? Are you nuts?"
"You see that Ferrari out there?"
The guy looks out the front door, and sure enough there's a shiny new Ferrari parked outside.
"I paid cash for that Ferrari with the money I made on hand jobs. Trust me, it's worth it."
The guy mulls it over for a while, and decides what the hell... He leaves with her, and gets the most unbelievable experience he's ever had. This hand job was better than any complete sexual experience in his miserable life.
The next night he's back at the bar, waiting eagerly for her to show up. When she does, he immediately approaches her.
"Last night was incredible!"
"Of course it was. Just wait till you try one of my blow jobs."
"How much is that?"
"$500"
"$500!?! C'mon, that's ridiculous!"
"You see that apartment building across the street?"
The guy looks out front at a 12 storey building.
"I paid cash for that building with the money I made on blow jobs. Trust me, it's worth it."
Based on the night before, the guy decides to go for it. He leave s with her, and once again is not disappointed. He nearly faints - twice. The next night he can hardly contain himself until she shows up.
"I'm hooked, you're the best! Tell me; what'll it cost me for some pussy?"
She motions for him to follow her outside. She points down the street; between the buildings he can see Manhattan.
"You see that island?"
"Aw, c'mon! You can't mean that!"
She nods her head. "You bet. If I had a pussy, I'd own Manhattan!
Old Couples Need Sex Too.
OLD COUPLES NEED SEX TOO
An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?
We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you."
"Yes," she says, "I remember it well."
"OK," he says, "how about taking a stroll round there again and we can do
it for old time's sake?"
"Oooooooh, Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea," she answers.
There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble."
So he follows them. They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks.
Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and
the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence the old man moves in. Suddenly, they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen.
They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds.
This goes on for about forty minutes! She's yelling, "Ohhh, God!" He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable.
Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.
The policeman 's amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The policeman, still watching thinks, that was truly amazing, he was going like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is. As the couple passes, he says to them, "That was something else! You must have been having sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?"
The old man says, . . . . . . . . . . .
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence!!!"
An elderly couple is enjoying an anniversary dinner together in a small tavern. The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago?
We went behind this tavern where you leaned against the fence and I made love to you."
"Yes," she says, "I remember it well."
"OK," he says, "how about taking a stroll round there again and we can do
it for old time's sake?"
"Oooooooh, Henry, you devil, that sounds like a good idea," she answers.
There's a police officer sitting in the next booth listening to all this, having a chuckle to himself. He thinks, "I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble."
So he follows them. They walk haltingly along, leaning on each other for support, aided by walking sticks.
Finally they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence. The old lady lifts her skirt, takes her knickers down and
the old man drops his trousers. She turns around and as she hangs on to the fence the old man moves in. Suddenly, they erupt into the most furious sex that the watching policeman has ever seen.
They are bucking and jumping like eighteen-year-olds.
This goes on for about forty minutes! She's yelling, "Ohhh, God!" He's hanging on to her hips for dear life. This is the most athletic sex imaginable.
Finally, they both collapse panting on the ground.
The policeman 's amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on.
The policeman, still watching thinks, that was truly amazing, he was going like a train. I've got to ask him what his secret is. As the couple passes, he says to them, "That was something else! You must have been having sex for about forty minutes. How do you manage it? You must have had a fantastic life together. Is there some sort of secret?"
The old man says, . . . . . . . . . . .
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence!!!"
Malaysian Astronauts.
American Spaceman is called Astronaut
Russian Spaceman is called Cosmonaut
Chinese Spaceman is called Taikonaut
Malaysian Spaceman? - Can-or-naut!
Dr. M was thinking about sending somebody into space. Three potential
can-a-nauts were called for an interview - one Indian, one Malay and one
Chinese.
Dr. M interviews the Indian first: "So, Muthu, this is a dangerous
mission. How much do you think you should be paid?"
Muthu replied: "One million ringgit."
"Why so much?" asks Dr. M.
"Very dangerous mission, Datuk. Maybe no come back!" replied Muthu.
"That's understandable," says Dr. M. "Thank you...please ask the Malay
guy to come here,"
So the Malay walks up, and is asked the same question.
"Alamak!...2 million, Datuk," replied the Malay candidate.
"Two million? That's twice as much! Even the aneh before you
asked for only one million."
"You see, Datuk," explains Mat. "I have 4 wives and 15
children ... With 20 of us, it is a big family to support when I am
gone...!"
"I see," says Dr. M. "Okay, can you ask that Chinese guy to come then?"
The Chinese guy comes in and Dr. M asks, "Ah Chong, given this is a very
risky mission, how much do you want?"
Ah Chong thinks for a while, and says, "3 million."
Mahathir appears shocked. "What?!? 3 million! Why so much?"
Ah Chong beckons Dr. M to come closer. He quietly whispers into his ear,
"Datuk, one million you keep, one million I keep, and then one more
million to send that aneh into space lah!"
Russian Spaceman is called Cosmonaut
Chinese Spaceman is called Taikonaut
Malaysian Spaceman? - Can-or-naut!
Dr. M was thinking about sending somebody into space. Three potential
can-a-nauts were called for an interview - one Indian, one Malay and one
Chinese.
Dr. M interviews the Indian first: "So, Muthu, this is a dangerous
mission. How much do you think you should be paid?"
Muthu replied: "One million ringgit."
"Why so much?" asks Dr. M.
"Very dangerous mission, Datuk. Maybe no come back!" replied Muthu.
"That's understandable," says Dr. M. "Thank you...please ask the Malay
guy to come here,"
So the Malay walks up, and is asked the same question.
"Alamak!...2 million, Datuk," replied the Malay candidate.
"Two million? That's twice as much! Even the aneh before you
asked for only one million."
"You see, Datuk," explains Mat. "I have 4 wives and 15
children ... With 20 of us, it is a big family to support when I am
gone...!"
"I see," says Dr. M. "Okay, can you ask that Chinese guy to come then?"
The Chinese guy comes in and Dr. M asks, "Ah Chong, given this is a very
risky mission, how much do you want?"
Ah Chong thinks for a while, and says, "3 million."
Mahathir appears shocked. "What?!? 3 million! Why so much?"
Ah Chong beckons Dr. M to come closer. He quietly whispers into his ear,
"Datuk, one million you keep, one million I keep, and then one more
million to send that aneh into space lah!"
This is how business works.
Father : I want you to marry a girl of my choice
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"
This is how business is done!!
Son : "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case...ok"
Next Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case...ok"
Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case...ok"
This is how business is done!!
Singapore's Origin.
How Singapore got its name
Version 1 : When Raffles stepped out of his boat on to Boat Quay, a man was running by announcing the birth of his son in hokkien. 'see ta poh, see ta poh'
Version 2 : I thought the story was like this : The malay/indian king, Parameswara, was sleeping under a tree and was dreaming. He was rudely awakened by an animal resembling a lion. So, out of shock, he screamed ' Singa porda ! Singa porda ' (which means, 'lion, get lost!')
Version 3 : When Raffles sailed up the Singapore river for the first time, a malay lady was bathing in the river, having left her clothes on the river bank. A Singh came by and stole her clothes. The upset lady started shouting after him, 'Singh Kapoh, Singh Kapoh'
Version 1 : When Raffles stepped out of his boat on to Boat Quay, a man was running by announcing the birth of his son in hokkien. 'see ta poh, see ta poh'
Version 2 : I thought the story was like this : The malay/indian king, Parameswara, was sleeping under a tree and was dreaming. He was rudely awakened by an animal resembling a lion. So, out of shock, he screamed ' Singa porda ! Singa porda ' (which means, 'lion, get lost!')
Version 3 : When Raffles sailed up the Singapore river for the first time, a malay lady was bathing in the river, having left her clothes on the river bank. A Singh came by and stole her clothes. The upset lady started shouting after him, 'Singh Kapoh, Singh Kapoh'
Phua Chu Kang ( PCK ) explaining sex to Chu Beng's son, Aloysius.
Aloy : Why is making love so enjoyable ?
PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjolable becaws, same like when you dig your nose with your finger mah !
Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men ?
PCK : Of course woman lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose feel better than your finger, right?
Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped?
PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the load, den someone come over and dig your nose, you like or not ? ehhh ? Don't pray pray ah !
Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses ?
PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh ?? Siow ah ! Use your blain, use your blainnn ..........
Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are making love?
PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a glove on your finger or not ? Not the same shiok feeling mah. Corlight or not ?
Aloy : Why is making love carried out in private ?
PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your blain, use your blainnnnn ......... you go and dig your nose in flont of your whole class izit ?? Stupid lah!!
Aloy : Wah ...... Uncle Chu Kang, you are very good.
PCK : Aiyah, ah boy, enjolable becaws, same like when you dig your nose with your finger mah !
Aloy : Do you think women enjoy sex more than men ?
PCK : Of course woman lah ! When you dig dig your nose, your nose feel better than your finger, right?
Aloy : Why do women hate it when they get raped?
PCK : Ai-yah ! Say, you walk along the load, den someone come over and dig your nose, you like or not ? ehhh ? Don't pray pray ah !
Aloy : Why is it a woman cannot have sex when she is having her menses ?
PCK : Oy !! If your nose bleeding, you still go and dig meh ?? Siow ah ! Use your blain, use your blainnn ..........
Aloy : Why is it most men don't like wearing condoms when they are making love?
PCK : Ehhhh, when you dig your nose ah, you like to dig with a glove on your finger or not ? Not the same shiok feeling mah. Corlight or not ?
Aloy : Why is making love carried out in private ?
PCK : Ah boyyyyy, use your blain, use your blainnnnn ......... you go and dig your nose in flont of your whole class izit ?? Stupid lah!!
Aloy : Wah ...... Uncle Chu Kang, you are very good.
The Prisoner.
The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin and I don't know
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, it’s not a life sentence,
OKAY!
anything about sex. Can you explain it to me first?"
"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the
prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'. So what we do is: put the
prisoner in the prison.
And then they made love for the first time.
Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.
Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped."
Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to re-imprison him."
After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but
the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him
a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!"
The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently
born foal.
Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted.
She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."
Limply turning his head, He YELLS at her, "Hey, it’s not a life sentence,
OKAY!
The cheapest places to live in the world.
Well…there are places in the world where you can live well for less. The cheapest places to live are also the most beautiful and exotic destinations. So why not make your dreams come true, pack your bags and move to one of those paradise locations, if not for a lifetime, then at least for a year or two?
There are two simple rules to follow while searching for low cost destinations. Firstly: if you find a place cheap enough to travel to, then most probably you will also find it cheap to live in. Secondly: wherever you are, the further from the big cities and large agglomerations, the cheaper it gets.
Of course ‘cheap’ is a very relative concept, and what is cheap for you may not be cheap for people living some place else in the world.
But if ‘cheap’ means spending just a few dollars/euro/pounds a day, then these locations in Asia and Central America may interest you…
THAILAND
This could be your home.
travel blog magazine 455 3 The cheapest places to live in the world
Have you ever been to Thailand? Do you remember that feeling of paying $1 (€0.70) for a glass of beer? Did you ask yourself then what it would feel like to pay that much for a drink back home? Or the other way round… what would it feel like to enjoy such prices on a daily basis? If your answers are yes, yes, yes …then why not consider moving to the Land of Smiles for a while?
There are two simple rules to follow while searching for low cost destinations. Firstly: if you find a place cheap enough to travel to, then most probably you will also find it cheap to live in. Secondly: wherever you are, the further from the big cities and large agglomerations, the cheaper it gets.
Of course ‘cheap’ is a very relative concept, and what is cheap for you may not be cheap for people living some place else in the world.
But if ‘cheap’ means spending just a few dollars/euro/pounds a day, then these locations in Asia and Central America may interest you…
THAILAND
This could be your home.
travel blog magazine 455 3 The cheapest places to live in the world
Have you ever been to Thailand? Do you remember that feeling of paying $1 (€0.70) for a glass of beer? Did you ask yourself then what it would feel like to pay that much for a drink back home? Or the other way round… what would it feel like to enjoy such prices on a daily basis? If your answers are yes, yes, yes …then why not consider moving to the Land of Smiles for a while?
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